Trippin’ on a Hole in a Paper Heart: a reflection on Scott Weiland

When I think about Scott Weiland, I think about his April 28, 2015 performance with the Wildabouts at the Brewster Street Icehouse in Corpus Christi, Texas. Watching him sing Vasoline horrifically off-key, it was evident in his zombified stage presence we’d already lost him.
“I hate to say it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we heard on the news that he’s dead,” said Mark Munz, my friend and Indianapolis-based musician, just a few weeks before his passing.
Sure enough, on the morning of Dec. 4, 2015, I woke to a text from Mark informing me Weiland was dead at 48, leaving behind two children and thousands of broken hearts.
But like his ex-wife Mary Fosberg Weiland wrote in a letter to Rolling Stone, Scott’s kids (Noah and Lucy) and the world didn’t just lose Scott Weiland – they also lost hope.
And, sadly, they saw it coming, as did those of us keeping up with him in one form or another.
According to Mary, Scott “was a paranoid man who couldn’t remember his own lyrics and who was only photographed with his children a handful of times in 15 years of fatherhood.”
He was no role model, and she didn’t want his death glorified. Sadly, since, we’ve lost many other artist. Although old age and illness played a part for artists such as David Bowie and Leonard Cohen, Prince’s death was also a result of suffering. For Prince, it was pain, and he didn’t have the right medications to manage it. The pills became an addiction, and his life became increasingly difficult.
Mary’s letter about Scott went viral instantly, and people heard her voice. Weiland’s death wasn’t as glorified as some of the others. His fame was not as sustained through the decades, either, and a part of that plays into his paranoia and destructive behavior, as is evident in his ironically titled autobiography, “Not Dead and Not for Sale (with David Ritz).”

I applaud Mary’s courage and her healing honesty.  For those of us who are grieving, it’s important to understand, and to ask the hard questions, like “who’s next?” and “how do we save a tortured artist who doesn’t want to be saved?”
There are always signs, and the signs are often portrayed in art of the sufferer. Some of Scott’s best material came from his misery – “Creep,” “Big Empty”  – but there was more to Weiland and more to Stone Temple Pilots than sorrowful songs. They made remarkable music and often had fun doing it, creating colorful hits like “Plush,” “Interstate Love Song” and “Lady Picture Show” that were staples of 90’s alternative rock. From 1992-1997, STP was one of the biggest rock bands in the country.
But life for Scott wasn’t as wonderful as it appeared. He got wrapped up in the glory, living like rock and roll royalty. Tragically, his behaviors and addictions started landing him in courtrooms and treatment centers.
I remember worrying STP was going to break up in 1998 after Scott got busted for heroin, his second arrest and first after spending time in rehab. No. 4 was unexpected and miraculous for STP fans. They were back. Scott was back.
No. 4 was a great rock record. STP stuck to their roots with some hard-hitting rockers like “Down” and “No Way Out” but matured musically, getting Beatlesy with “Sour Girl” and “I Got You.” On the last song of the album, Scott even showed his crooning side with the majestic, underrated ballad, “Atlanta.” We’d see more of his crooner side on his 2011 Christmas album, “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”

Seeing Scott live (X-Fest 2000, Deer Creek Music Center, Noblesville, Indiana)
Mark and I got the chance to see STP live during their No.4 tour, headlining an X-Fest that included performances by Papa Roach and Green Day.
Opening with “Crackerman,” the energy was insane. People were crowd-surfing, women were screaming. Scott was dressed in a white fur coat and a silk scarf, dancing like Mick Jagger. That was a big part of his performance persona. Unlike many of the grunge rock stars, Scott was a showman. Nowhere was he more alive.
The show was mesmerizing. Mark and I saw a lot of shows together back then and agreed it was one of the best. Standing in the front row, we also had the good fortune of seeing the band interact. They were together, in-the-pocket, delivering a performance driven by genuine appreciation for the songs.
What I remember most was “Sour Girl.”  Scott’s voice was strong, flawless. He sounded like he did on the record.
We walked out of that show amazed and excited for the next opportunity we’d get to see STP. We were hopeful, anticipating many albums to come.
That wouldn’t last long, as reports of Scott’s drug abuse continued to derail his career.
Somehow, STP still managed to put out 2001’s Shangri-La Dee Da, which featured, “Hello, It’s Late,” a song that foreshadowed the end:


Nothing matters again
I didn’t think we’d last that long
But I’m just sitting on the Merry-Go-Round
And the music is too loud
It’s just a game that we used to play
I didn’t think we’d take it all the way
It kills me just because it can’t be erased
We’re married

My dad told me when he listened to Abbey Road in its entirety, he knew it was over for the Beatles. He knew they were saying goodbye.
Similarly, “Hello, It’s Late” was STP’s “In the End,” at least for two 18-year-old guitar-playing rock fanatics in Indianapolis. I have a feeling we weren’t the only ones who felt that way.
It was never the same. Velvet Revolver hardly felt real. Forming shortly after Audioslave, Revolver felt like a desperate attempt to keep rock alive. Bands were being thrown together like NBA teams, grouping the best talent money could buy and trying to make them work. Karl Malone and Gary Payton joined the Lakers, Scott Weiland joined Guns N Roses.
Nevertheless, they had some remarkable moments, such as Scott’s melodic testimonial “Fall to Pieces.”
Every time I’m falling down
All alone I fall to pieces
When Scott was alone, he must have been devastated. All the people he hurt. All the time he didn’t devote to his kids. Did he feel guilty? Did he feel empty? Or did he just not allow himself the opportunity to even be alone?

Parting words
People ask, “What could have saved Scott Weiland?”
Grace would have saved him, just as it would have saved Jimi, Janis, Jim, Kurt, Layne and all the other stars who have fallen well before their time.
Jimi Hendrix once said, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then there will be peace.” For Scott, it appears love was more a lyric than an action he practiced. And without love, what’s left of a man?
Without love, a man starts to look like Scott did this spring in Corpus Christi: a shell of his former self, sedated and secluded, ready to die.
On Dec. 3, Scott made his choice, one his children, friends, fans and family will have to accept. It’s hard, just as it’s been hard for those who needed him the most to understand why he was only there a handful of times.
May Scott be a lesson, a warning to those so wrapped up in themselves or their addictions that they fail to love. Don’t let idolatry, selfishness and greed destroy you. Never lose track of what’s most important. Never lose hope.
In closing, I believe Saint Ignatius said it best: “Try to keep your soul always in peace and quiet, always ready for whatever our Lord may wish to work in you. It is certainly a higher virtue of the soul, and a greater grace, to be able to enjoy the Lord in different times and different places than in only one.”

About CharliesTrail

Originally from Indianapolis, Denison is a writer and musician who has picked up culture and influences from eccentrics all over the U.S. and overseas. He is a University of Kentucky Journalism School grad and an award-winning Montana journalist. Through the years he's had work published by "Chicken Soup From the Soul," DVD Netflix, Montana Quarterly Magazine, NUVO and Americana Highways. He has a solo album, "Whispers of the Lonely," and continues to chip away at his first novel. Currently Denison is the editor of The Boulder Monitor in Boulder, Montana, where he lives with his wife.
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